Ghost Towns
by BurningMandala
Summary: I dream of you. Everyone knows, if you can, let it go. Rachel/Quinn


Things to know: Pretty canon until it's not, A few obvious things changed here and there. Then after high school stuff-ish.

Sad and simplistic is the best way to describe this story, I think. Enjoy, though.

Title and the parenthesized italics at each section are from "Ghost Towns" by Radical Face.

Regular italics are quotes taken directly from the show.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the characters, not the show, not the song.

All errors are my own. Apologies, now. Reviews containing constructive criticism are always welcome. Thanks! X

* * *

(_I've got no need for open roads 'cause all I own fits on my back, I see the world from rusted trains and always know I won't be back_)

May 22, 2012, the day of high school graduation, was the day that started the beginning of her escape.

Actually, it was planned long before then. There was nothing for her here and having experienced almost every place on the social ladder in high school, she felt ready to face any obstacle that may be thrown her way once out of Lima. The town was a joke, as were the people. A humorless joke, because Quinn found nothing funny about the place. It only reminded her of pain, loss, and heartache. Maybe there were a few good moments, a few times where she had friends and thought they would always be there for her. Her, there for them, but it didn't turn out that way. It couldn't.

-**Sophomore**-

Having unprotected sex at sixteen and becoming pregnant probably isn't the most stupid thing she had ever done in her life. But being practically disowned by her parents and kicked out of the home she grew up in? That was definitely the most hurtful. You would think that a parent's bond with it's child would be one that is unbreakable but her parents never looked at her twice after that.

That might have been the turning point. What had really taught her how easy it can be to turn away from something. Whether you love that something or not. But she's not sure her parents ever loved her at all.

Hadn't they let her become someone completely different? Lucy Q. Fabray became Quinn Fabray. Numerous pounds lighter and a brand new nose. Beautiful, what she felt like her parents had always wanted of her. Appearances are everything. But even being beautiful and popular and head of the Cheerio's wasn't enough.

She was never enough.

Quinn proceeded to be kicked off of the cheerleading squad, then out of her ex-boyfriend's house when she came clean and told him that he wasn't the father of the baby.

She believes that along with quitting and turning away when things get hard, that lying is also something she learned from her parents. Because, appearances are everything. The better things appear, the more 'usual' things appear, the more chance they have to be accepted. Acceptance was important.

Giving up her daughter hurt more than she thought was possible, but it also felt familiar. Giving up, that is, like it was exactly the right thing to do in any given situation. But now she was alone.

-**Junior**-

She can forget now. No longer pregnant and no child to take care of, she can gain her place back at the top of the pyramid and at the top of the school. Back to being the girl that was feared and envied. Back to being accepted by the society known as high school. Back to be lonely because no one ever wanted to get to close. Scared of the front that she lets everyone see.

Another year of lying and cheating, as if the lesson hadn't been learned the first time.

Winning prom court would make her feel worth it. She loses.

She's broken up with at a funeral. Her boyfriend loves someone else.

_I just want somebody to love me._

As if she really thought a haircut could fix all of her problems.

-**Senior**-

Shorter pink hair, black clothes, and cigarettes. A group of girls to accept her for who she's managed to become and she's not even quite sure who that is. Who was she ever, really? Lucy? Quinn? This girl, now?

She's got no fucking idea. She's lost and has no hope of being found.

Seeing her daughter for the first time since she gave birth to her hurt. Knowing that the girl would never call her 'mom'. That the girl already had a mom, one that isn't her.

She wants change that, she has to. She's asked not to.

They win sectionals. Quinn gains a friend, Rachel.

For once, she doesn't feel hopeless and alone.

Quinn tells Rachel she's been accepted into Yale.

Rachel tells Quinn that she's getting married.

_You can't._

They win regionals.

_I want to support you, Rachel._

She say's she'll be at the wedding. She's late.

_On my way, _she texts_._

Rachel gets married.

They didn't wait and Quinn can't walk anymore.

Rachel feels guilty. Quinn tells her that it was her own fault. Though, deep down, part of her really does want to blame the other girl. But for what?

Before prom, she takes her first steps since the accident.

She wins prom queen. It doesn't feel the way she expected it would.

_It's everything I've ever wanted and I don't feel any different._

Rachel doesn't know. But she rigs the votes so Rachel gets the crown.

She can dance again. They win nationals.

For a moment, the world stills and the world feels right.

Rachel gets into NYADA but she decides not to go. Her husband didn't get achieve his dream of the day by getting into the school he chose during a split second decision. Rachel thinks it's the right the thing to do to stay in Lima and help him figure out what he wants out of life.

Quinn disagrees but it's not her choice. It never was. She's leaving and that counts for so much.

It should, anyway.

She graduates and says goodbye to everyone and everything she's ever known.

It's better this way.  
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(_I miss you but there's no comin' home, there's no comin' home with a name like mine. I still think of you but everyone knows, yeah, everyone knows, If you can, let it go_)

-**Sophomore**-

_I don't hate you._

-**Junior**-

_You're a very pretty girl, Quinn, the prettiest girl I've ever met. But you're a lot more than that._

-**Senior**-

_We're kind of friends, huh?_

She had become the best.

_You're a lot better than you know._

-**Present**-

Sometimes Quinn misses having someone believe in her so much. Rachel's words run through her head constantly when she's feeling like a failure, which is often.

She thinks of going back, but so many years have past.

Nothing would be the same there and she's not sure if that's a good thing.

She knows that Rachel never left Lima. Never made it to New York and onto Broadway.

It makes her sad.

She wants to make contact.

But if she's being honest, every single bridge she ever built was burned the moment she left Lima.

Things are better this way.

(_But all this time, I've been chasin' down a lie and I know it for what it is but it beats the alternatives. So I'll take the lie_)

At times it's easier to convince herself that she hates Rachel. It hurts less.

It's a lie. She loves her.

Quinn doesn't know if Rachel's happy. She doesn't think she is.

Because she knows the woman isn't doing the things she once dreamed as of a girl.

She told her. Quinn told her that she had an amazing life ahead of her.

One that didn't include an anchor from the past. A giant, 6 ft tall anchor that was now her past, present, and future. Most likely still dragging her down.

There are night's that she dreams of finding Rachel, being with her. Happy, together and alone in New York.

Away from everyone and everything that could bring them down.

Nothing could touch them in her dreams. They're happy in her dreams. She's happy.

But it's too late and it's better this way.

(_I still dream of you. But everyone knows, yeah, everyone knows, If you can, let it go_)

End.


End file.
